It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
