Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
