I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
