was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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