I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
