i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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