i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize