Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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