Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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