I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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