I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
