Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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