He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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