my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize