I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
