I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
