I hate all girls vehemently.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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