i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no, he came in my armpit
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
