my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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