where are you?
Hypothermia
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
