I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
