my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We named our party play list daddy issues
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
