and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
