He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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