I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
