We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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