I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
