I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
