what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
