There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
