I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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