obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sex in a hospital.. check
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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