So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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