I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize