If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
