The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
