I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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