just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
