He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
