swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
