i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
