You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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