So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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