I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
