shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
