woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize