Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
