Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
