Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
