Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
