Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
