In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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