I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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