yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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