I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my sisters under your porch take her home
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
