he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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