Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
