Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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