the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
