We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
