I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
