I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
