trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
