you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
