Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
