"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
